blog five

Dear friend,

So I was having a really bad day because I was stressed about a lot of things and I just was in one of those weird moods. At times when I am just really bummed about who knows what I try to remember all the wonderful times that I’ve spent with my best friend Josh. Whenever I am sad I try to remember things like the time Josh knew every word to the Celine Dion CD and he danced around his room trying to make me laugh. I remember the day after we had a fight, where josh left flowers and a card in my car that said I meant the world to him and that he was sorry for fighting. I still look at that card every time I am feeling down. This helps me to realize how special I am to someone, and how I can brighten up there day just like they do mine. Whenever I have a terrible day I think about the time I came back from helping my parents move, and how I didn’t get to see Josh for three weeks, and he was at the airport waiting for me to arrive. I think about how happy I was to be seeing him and to be next to him again. I think about the time where I had the words “you’re sweet” written in sugar packets on one of the tables in the restaurant I work at. At that same restaurant I have the memory where Josh gave flowers to the ladies sitting at one of the tables I was serving, to give to me. These special times that I have with Josh help me through those times where nothing seems to go right. The times I just feel like crying seem not so bad when I think about all these times that make my life special. So, to you friend, whenever you feel like crying, think of those special times that you have to make you feel better!

From the time that my family moved, I seemed to get closer and closer with them, even though they were farther away. This bonding continued more and more with my brother and I as time went on. I thought that my whole family moving away was a tragedy indeed. When my brother came back to Colorado to visit not too long ago, we really did get closer. My brother told me about all the things that were happening with my parents that they would always leave out when I talked to them. I got closer to my brother as the stories of my parents fighting became more and more real. As my brother told me about his new job and the new people he was meeting, I felt closer to him that I ever had. We chatted over dinner and I heard all about my family’s new life. I felt like I was more involved in what my family was doing, and I worried less about how they were. Since my brother left, he has texted me and kept me up to date on the newest things happening in my family’s life. My brother and I are definitely closer since he moved away, and the time we get to spend together is more valuable than it was when he lived in the same state.

Dance has always been my way of not dealing with the issues I have of the worries I face. I have always stayed away from drugs or any other addicting substance; however dance seemed to be just as addictive. When I found out that my friend had cancer I couldn’t think of anything else. My dance teacher could tell that something was bothering me and she told me to “put all of my emotion into my dancing”. Since that time I realized that no matter how upset or stressed I was about something I could always rely on dance to clear my head. When I was going through anything, whether it was being pissed off at my parents, having arguments with my friends, have homework up the ass, or just having a bad day, dance was there to help me through it. Dance gave me the time I needed to relax and take a deep breath. It calmed my nerves and gave me time to think. Ever since I have been dancing, this was a productive way to deal with hardships in my life. So, when you think about it dance was addictive, and I think that might be just as bad as being addictive to something like cigarettes. It may not be as bad for your health, but what happens when dance is over? How will I be able to deal with my stresses and my problems then? Maybe you have the answers.
Love always,
Dana C

Blog four

My CD is called: “Music is what love sounds like”
Here are the songs:
1. I Will Follow you into the Dark by Death cab for Cutie
2. Check yes Juliet by We The Kings
3. Brass Bed by Josh Gracin
4. I Want to Know Your Plans by Say Anything
5. Impossible to Find by Secondhand Serenade
6. Everything I do, I do it for you by New Found Glory
7. Kiss me by New Found Glory
8. Baby it’s Fact by Hellogoodbye
9. Wrapped up in you by Garth Brooks
10. I Will Follow you into the Dark by Death cab for Cutie (again)


I put I Will Follow you into the Dark on there twice because it is Josh and I’s favorite song. When either of us hears this song we think of each other. This song reminds us that no matter what we will always love and be there for one another. It is “our song”. I hope that whenever he listens to this CD he remembers all the good times that we have shared so far. I hope that he feels loved through these songs and I hope that he knows someone is out there thinking of him.


Part Two
My dad keeps the TV on all day long


My mom went to every single one of my competitions, no matter how far away or long they were.


My Aunt goes to get her nails done twice a month


My brother listens more than he speaks


My cousin works more than 40 hours a week

Blog three

Dear friend,
As you know my parents moved away about four months ago. This has been kind of a tough situation for me because of some regrets that I have now that I don’t get to see them as much. It has been since then that I realized how beautiful it is to see a family doing something all together. It would be impossible for me to describe just how beautiful it is only because you live with your family still, but I will try. Try to see from an outsider’s point of view. Imagine your family all crammed into the kitchen and your mom’s arms around your little sister. Picture your dad laying out cookies that you all just made together on a tray and your sister trying to eat the dough off of the cookie sheet. Hear the laughter coming from your family’s mouths as they talk about old times and fun memories. Smell the chocolate chips as they melt in the oven. Feel the hand gently set on your back with your father acknowledging that he is glad you’re there. Just picture these things and then you will truly understand beauty.
Everyone has their glory days. I look back at my life and there are a few times were I think I lived my glory days already. There were all those dance competitions that I went to, and the ones where my team beat every other studio there seemed like a glory day. Or the time when I got accepted into every college I applied to seem like they would be glory days as well. Maybe even the day I graduated high school was a glory day. After looking back to all these times where I felt like I was on top of the world, I think that my glory days are still to come. These times seemed like the best moments in my life but as I think about my future, I think my glory days are going to be much better. My glory days are going to start when I get married. Every girl dreams about the day she marries her one true love and her life as an “us” begins. I am not different from any other girl in where I have that same dream. I think that the day I buy a house with my husband will be a glory day and when I become a mother will be one of those days as well. I think that you are just living your life as best you can until you reach these days. I believe that once I reach this time is when I will experience my glory days.
With the holidays coming up a lot faster than I expected, I have started thinking a lot about how this year is going to turn out. Now normally my family and I don’t go visit all of our family in another state for Christmas, but this year, since my whole family moved to where all my relatives are, it looks like I will be the one to travel out there and we will finally have a Christmas with ALL my relatives. So because we have never actually been with all my relatives for the holidays, I don’t really know how it will turn out. Since I have seen family gatherings before, I can make a guess though. It will start out by all of us driving down to my Aunt Thelma’s house for a big dinner. This is ok by me because I have always gotten along with my Aunt. Aunt Thelma is pretty much a teenager trapped in a 50 year old ladies body. She has a very “hip” sense of style and I feel like I can talk to her about almost anything. She goes and gets her nails done once a month, and she has bleached blonde hair, like a California girl. Although I get along with her very well, my dad and her usually don’t. My dad and hir sister seem to have a lot of differences. My dad is a smoker, for one, and my aunt hates the thought of smoking. Where it turn into some conflict is when my aunt begins to be very open with how she feels about things that my dad does. My dad hates being told what to do, which is where I get it from I guess, and her fights with her a lot about it. The one person that they seem to agree on is my grandmother. My Grandma is 92 years old and seems to keep the peace without even knowing it. She hates when my dad and my aunt fight, so they try to put their differences aside for their mother. My grandma is very old so there will be a lot of stories that we will have to listen to, even if we have heard them a billion times before. I will probably end up being stuck hanging out with my 2nd cousin, who is at the riveting age of 13 now, and watching her act exactly like me the whole night. In all honesty I am looking forward to seeing all my family again, I just hope it doesn’t mess up the idea of Christmas that I have always kept close to me.

blog two

Dear Friend,
So I was looking over the first letter that I wrote to you and I realized that I never told you anything about my family. I wanted to describe each of them to you so that you would understand a little bit more about me and who I am. First off there is my dad. My dad is an older guy who doesn’t have hair on the top of his head. My dad is a very funny man, in a sarcastic way that is, and people say we are a lot like each other. I like to take this as a positive thing even though I know sometimes I can hurt people’s feelings with what I say, even if it is just a joke. That’s something I need to work on. My dad was a very outgoing and fast pace kid, just like I was and am now. He met my mom when he was 21 and wanted to marry her when they first met. My mother is a little different from my dad and I. She is a very short lady, even shorter than I am and she is pretty shy when she first meets you. Once she feels comfortable though, she really opens up and becomes a very fun person to be around. My mother and I are very close and I think I would consider her the easiest person in the world to talk to. Then there is my brother. He is older than I am and is a really serious guy. He says that he has a temper from when he used to get picked on as a kid, for wearing glasses and being a little overweight. Ha. Now you would never think he was the little overweight kid in the class because he probably weighs about the same that I do, which is scary. He is a very nice guy who really watches over his family. He can be pretty serious but he jokes around a lot as well. It’s hard for me to write about my family now because they all just recently moved out of state when I went to college. They live about 1000 miles away now and I really think about them a lot. I think about all the fights that I would get into with my dad, because we are both really sarcastic, and how my mom would always be the peace keeper of the family. I remember how my mom used to drive me crazy always asking me how every part of my life was going, everyday. I think about how I was so busy with my high school life that I didn’t take enough time to spend with any of my family. I remember how I was too busy to ride with my brother to the store, or at least to focused on other things. Now, when I get into a fight with my roommate, have a bad day, or just feel like crying I realize that I really do need my family. I thought that it would be no big deal living so far away but when I see other people going home for the weekend or going out to dinner with their sibling, I see that it is a big deal. I really do miss my family, as corny as that sounds, and I do need them. So I have advice for you now, don’t take for granted being around your family and don’t roll your eyes next time you have to go spend time with your “old folks”. Enjoy it, because they might not be around forever.


Enough about my family, of the lack there of, there is something else I wanted to share with you. I know that most people have that one best friend that they spend every moment with, or that person that just understands you better than anyone else. A lot of times this is your boy or girlfriend, which yes Josh is my best friend, but I talk about him way too much for even myself to listen to. The friend that really helped and influenced me was a girl named Sarah. I don’t know if I have ever told you anything about her but she really is the sweetest girl you would ever meet in your life. She has that mom like quality that always makes you feel secure and she listens to everything you say, and really listens. Sarah and I didn’t really hang out that much but when we did I knew that it was special. She and I could talk about anything and she seemed to have everything figured out in her life. When Sarah and I got closer I found out that my perfect picture of her wasn’t an actuality. Sarah was actually really depressed and very self conscious about a lot of different things. I hated hearing those things about her because Sarah was the perfect person with the perfect family to me. When I was with her I wanted to make myself better, more like her. When she told me these things about her real life I was shocked. Most would think that I would turn my perception around and start picking out a new role model, and I almost did. Sarah and I hung out still and I realized that I helped her as much as she helped me. She said that I made her happy and I made her not have to take those depressant pills anymore. It was an honor to hear how I could help someone just as much as she helped me. I learned something that I didn’t know before. True friendship isn’t about always being the same, or looking up to someone that is better at this or that. Sarah showed me what a true friendship was. One where neither of us were judged, but both of us helped to make the other stronger. Now that Sarah and I went to separate colleges I don’t see her much, but I’m sure she has found those other people that will keep her happy. A true friend is hard to come by, but when you find that person, he or she means the world to you.


Have you ever felt what it was like to feel infinite? Let me paint a picture for you of what I think it is and then maybe you will understand what I mean by it. It was in the early evening where it was just dark enough to where you could still see all the leaves blowing across the yard. I’m inside cooking with one person that truly understands me. I feel infinite when our favorite songs play through the ipod speakers and we layer the last part of the lasagna with all the extra cheese we have. Nothing can truly describe the anticipation while waiting for your dinner to cook that has to be perfect since your cooking with the whole family. The laughter that bursts throughout the kitchen when your best friend tosses a salad with a whole head of lettuce that turns out to be a whole head of cabbage, that you bought! I remember focusing so thoroughly on the garlic bread to make sure it doesn’t burn and pulling it out just in time all because you got distracted watching your boyfriend look like a fool dancing to “Living la Vida Loca”. Finally when you are all together eating the dish that the two of you created and seeing satisfied faces, nothing can make you feel more infinite. And that’s how I felt.
Dana

September 16, 2008

Dear Friend,
I’m sorry that I haven’t written to you in awhile but it has been a pretty stressful couple of days. I had my first big test of college and let me tell you I think I studied more during those few days than I ever had in high school. The test seemed to go well even though I had tried to retain so much knowledge that I felt like it was pouring out of my ears! Anyways, I’m so glad that that test is finally done with and I can move on to talking more to you. I’m writing to you because this weekend was one that I wish I could have avoided all together, and I needed to talk about it with someone who I know won’t judge me. So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I love my boyfriend with every beat of my heart. Anyhow, besides the fact that I spent most of it studying, the rest of the time I was fighting with Josh. I don’t know if I told you this but Josh is the newest boyfriend in my life. We have been together for almost a year but for some reason I haven’t talked much about him. Anyways, josh and I are a lot alike, and sometimes it gets really difficult because we both are so competitive. We always try to have the last word, and we make fun of each other for about everything remotely weird we do. This seems like a really bad thing but at times it makes things fun. Obviously, both of us can get a little overboard sometimes and I don’t know about him but for me it starts to really lower my self-confidence. So, on Saturday night both of us were again at work. I don’t want to tell you where we work in case you try to find out who I am. We were both at work and Josh is texting someone that he obviously didn’t want me to know about. Casually I asked him who he was texting, and he said he was talking to his best friend’s mom about a present she was getting his friend for his birthday. I was a little surprised by this so of course I questioned it, but, I didn’t say anything back because I didn’t feel like starting an argument. So the night goes on and we are getting ready to close down when none other than Josh’s ex-girlfriend walks in. the background on her is that her and Josh were together for three years and they broke up because of me. So, I of course didn’t want to see her at work, but she came to talk to Josh. “How would she know that Josh was working”? Was my first question, then I realized that’s who he was texting all along. So not only was I upset about her coming in, but also the fact that Josh lied about who he was texting so he could text her. Just to let you know, it seems weird but when it comes to this girl a can get pretty jealous. She is a pretty girl, though I don’t like to admit it, and because they were together for so long it puts Josh and I’s one year to shame. She came in and had a nice little conversation with Josh about who knows what and then left. At this time I was pretty mad at Josh for talking to her and for everything else. He came up and tried to hug me and say sorry, but I pushed him away. I couldn’t talk to him after a lost his trust. The night ended and it was time that we talked before the argument carried on to the next day. I was sitting there and I started to cry, I explained how I knew he lied and asked why, and he simply said he wanted to avoid me getting mad at him. That didn’t happen. He said he didn’t know she was going to come to work and that the only reason he texted her was because he felt bad for being so mean to her after the two of them broke up. I would have been ok, well not ok but better, about the whole situation if he hadn’t lied and it wouldn’t have turned into such a huge deal. He called me a hypocrite because I talk to other guys through texting and he doesn’t get mad. I explained to him that those guys weren’t my boyfriend at all, let alone for 3 years, and he had nothing to be jealous about. Even though I was so furious at him, I understood why he wanted to say sorry and why he kept it from me. I saw the wrong in my points of view and he saw that he had lost my trust. After our discussion, which I won’t get into any more detail because it was a lot of yelling and repeating the same phrases , that might have contained curses, but we worked things out. I agreed to stop being so jealous and he said that he would tell me everything from now on, even if he’s afraid of me getting mad. As for the ex-girlfriend she is still going to his school, but they don’t talk anymore. At least from what I hear, which I have no choice but to believe. I still get jealous when she comes up into a conversation, even if it has been a whole year. I think this is because it’s our human nature to compare ourselves to what someone has had before us because we want to be better than that person. I think we do it because we don’t want to make the same mistakes that the last one did. I don’t necessarily agree that this is the right way to do things when it comes to ex’s but it happens. I just need to know that what I feel and how josh and I are now is normal between couples. I think you of all people would understand this because you have been in your relationship for 5 years now and you have been through it all. Did I act the right way, Should I believe what Josh says anymore, and do I have to worry about his ex still? I wrote you this letter because I hoped that you could help me to answer these questions. Help me to see how to deal with ex’s and other things relationships can throw my way. Thanks for your help.
Love always,
Dana C