September 16, 2008

Dear Friend,
I’m sorry that I haven’t written to you in awhile but it has been a pretty stressful couple of days. I had my first big test of college and let me tell you I think I studied more during those few days than I ever had in high school. The test seemed to go well even though I had tried to retain so much knowledge that I felt like it was pouring out of my ears! Anyways, I’m so glad that that test is finally done with and I can move on to talking more to you. I’m writing to you because this weekend was one that I wish I could have avoided all together, and I needed to talk about it with someone who I know won’t judge me. So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I love my boyfriend with every beat of my heart. Anyhow, besides the fact that I spent most of it studying, the rest of the time I was fighting with Josh. I don’t know if I told you this but Josh is the newest boyfriend in my life. We have been together for almost a year but for some reason I haven’t talked much about him. Anyways, josh and I are a lot alike, and sometimes it gets really difficult because we both are so competitive. We always try to have the last word, and we make fun of each other for about everything remotely weird we do. This seems like a really bad thing but at times it makes things fun. Obviously, both of us can get a little overboard sometimes and I don’t know about him but for me it starts to really lower my self-confidence. So, on Saturday night both of us were again at work. I don’t want to tell you where we work in case you try to find out who I am. We were both at work and Josh is texting someone that he obviously didn’t want me to know about. Casually I asked him who he was texting, and he said he was talking to his best friend’s mom about a present she was getting his friend for his birthday. I was a little surprised by this so of course I questioned it, but, I didn’t say anything back because I didn’t feel like starting an argument. So the night goes on and we are getting ready to close down when none other than Josh’s ex-girlfriend walks in. the background on her is that her and Josh were together for three years and they broke up because of me. So, I of course didn’t want to see her at work, but she came to talk to Josh. “How would she know that Josh was working”? Was my first question, then I realized that’s who he was texting all along. So not only was I upset about her coming in, but also the fact that Josh lied about who he was texting so he could text her. Just to let you know, it seems weird but when it comes to this girl a can get pretty jealous. She is a pretty girl, though I don’t like to admit it, and because they were together for so long it puts Josh and I’s one year to shame. She came in and had a nice little conversation with Josh about who knows what and then left. At this time I was pretty mad at Josh for talking to her and for everything else. He came up and tried to hug me and say sorry, but I pushed him away. I couldn’t talk to him after a lost his trust. The night ended and it was time that we talked before the argument carried on to the next day. I was sitting there and I started to cry, I explained how I knew he lied and asked why, and he simply said he wanted to avoid me getting mad at him. That didn’t happen. He said he didn’t know she was going to come to work and that the only reason he texted her was because he felt bad for being so mean to her after the two of them broke up. I would have been ok, well not ok but better, about the whole situation if he hadn’t lied and it wouldn’t have turned into such a huge deal. He called me a hypocrite because I talk to other guys through texting and he doesn’t get mad. I explained to him that those guys weren’t my boyfriend at all, let alone for 3 years, and he had nothing to be jealous about. Even though I was so furious at him, I understood why he wanted to say sorry and why he kept it from me. I saw the wrong in my points of view and he saw that he had lost my trust. After our discussion, which I won’t get into any more detail because it was a lot of yelling and repeating the same phrases , that might have contained curses, but we worked things out. I agreed to stop being so jealous and he said that he would tell me everything from now on, even if he’s afraid of me getting mad. As for the ex-girlfriend she is still going to his school, but they don’t talk anymore. At least from what I hear, which I have no choice but to believe. I still get jealous when she comes up into a conversation, even if it has been a whole year. I think this is because it’s our human nature to compare ourselves to what someone has had before us because we want to be better than that person. I think we do it because we don’t want to make the same mistakes that the last one did. I don’t necessarily agree that this is the right way to do things when it comes to ex’s but it happens. I just need to know that what I feel and how josh and I are now is normal between couples. I think you of all people would understand this because you have been in your relationship for 5 years now and you have been through it all. Did I act the right way, Should I believe what Josh says anymore, and do I have to worry about his ex still? I wrote you this letter because I hoped that you could help me to answer these questions. Help me to see how to deal with ex’s and other things relationships can throw my way. Thanks for your help.
Love always,
Dana C